Ways to deal with bullies

• He'll cry over your wounds so he can get salt in them.


• He heats the knives so his family won't use too much butter.

• The next time you'll meet anyone like him, it will have to be In a Nightmare.

• He got his parents a fifty-piece dinner set for their Golden Anniversary a box of toothpicks.

• He told his children Santa Claus is too old to get around any more.

• He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them as canaries.

• He'll throw a drowning man both ends of a rope.

• The last place he lived in, he campaigned for dry law, got it passed and then moved away.

• If you kicked him in his heart, you'd break your toe.

• He has lots of fortitude. He'll stand for nearly anything, but a woman on a train.

• The only way he can hear any good about himself is to talk to himself.

• Every time a report comes about the dangers of second-hand cigarette smoke, he goes around blowing smoke in people’s faces.

• He's suffering from hardening of the hearteries.

• His motto is ‘A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH', but expects yours to have gold in it.

• He folds his newspaper so the guy next to him in the bus can only read half the newspaper.

• You could not warm up to him if you were cremated together.

• Lots of people would love working for him - if they were graver diggers.

• He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider.